It started out with a headache.
The headache led to a cough.
The cough led to some sinus issues which led to my feeling hot then cold then hot then cold.
And all of that led to aches and pains. Pain in my legs. Pain in my hips. Pain in my arms.
Murphy's Law or the long standing Helmberger Hex, I'm not sure which, but when I finally crawled up the stairs two at a time to locate the 19-year-old thermometer we own the only reading I could get was "AA" which meant the thermometer needed a new battery. It flickered on 101.1 at one point but I didn't really consider the reading reliable. But I'll tell you this: It knocked me down.
I think I picked up the bug at a neighborhood elementary school.
When the writing I do offers gaps between interviews and deadlines I fill in for teaching aides that have bugs of their own in our school district. The past few weeks the phone has been ringing frequently. It's not the school's fault. Hand sanitizer and kleenex boxes are visible in every classroom and students have been instructed on the proper way to cough - into the crook of their elbows. Still, germs are crafty and they lurk on doorknobs and magic marker tops and on art projects and folders.
And they got me.
In the week leading up to Halloween I barely left my sofa. I slipped in and out of lucidity and moaned when moving my aching body required it.
I also watched daytime TV which I never do.
I learned the following things from soap operas that air on ABC.
1. For the most part the casts have barely changed since I watched the serials back in college. Erica Kane, Adam Chandler, Dorian Lord and Luke Spencer all continue to linger in soap opera land. Although, for the most part, they manage to look a lot younger now.
2. The dramatic lingering stare into space as the director cuts to commercial continues to be effective, yet hilarious.
3. Every home in soap opera land has a fully stocked bar so the homeowner can offer visitors a drink no matter what time of day it is.
4. Soap opera children are ever-s0-wordly. Even if they're pre-teens.
5. Dress clothes are mandatory - even if the character is cooking, taking care of a newborn, gardening, or chasing a criminal.
The good news is... the bug is gone, I'm no longer confined to the sofa in front of daytime television and I'm working on a deadline.
I'm Baaaaaack. Oink, oink.
